At the beginning of each year, I always wonder how my year will turn out. At the end of the year I assess whether the year has been overall good or bad. I am quite happy to say that I am kissing 2013 goodbye with no regrets or a backward glance. It was not a great year for me for many reasons; primarily health reasons colored my year to a dull gray. Do I see any light when I look backward through the tunnel of 2013 ? Not much. I did leave with some life lessons. Here are some that will hopefully make me a better person for the coming year ahead by making these changes:
1) I will try not to be judgmental. My honesty may be too hard on others. I have a tendency to lose friends by being too honest and too judgmental. They may not want advice even when they think they need it. So advice, warranted or unwarranted, will be doled out in very small doses in this year.
2) I have to learn to spot the jealous tendencies in people before it becomes dangerous and stay away from those who tend to have negative feelings about me. Negative energy from others is incredibly destructive and when I see it or spot it, I must run! Once again, telling those who are exhibiting certain negative emotions that will affect our relationship does not help. They will deny it and make me think I am hormonal. I have had this happen many times. Hormones have been made the scapegoat for many a problem between friends. It’s not their flaw necessarily, but my hormones.
3) I will channel my artistic creativity to the max. I want to paint, draw, go on photo adventures with my new camera and write write write until there are no words left (as if that could ever happen) !!!! Creativity is the one thing that takes me away from all the pain and struggle that comes into my life.
4) I want to keep learning as many things that will make my mind grow. I want to be a human sponge. I want to be the sponge that keeps soaking up information and be the go-to-girl for others about technology. I am proud to be a geek, an artistic geek, but a geek nevertheless.
5) I want to become a healthier person overall by improving my diet, exercising in a variety of ways and just making my body stronger.
6) There are a few new friends I made this year who have affected me in such a dramatic way. One such friend who made a marked difference in my life in 2013 lost her husband this past year to a tragic and prolonged illness. She showed me how to be positive in life even through the hardest times. She showed me all the ways to find happiness in the smallest facets of life, she showed me how to be strong during adversity and she always knows how to make me feel big when I feel small about myself. She introduced me to many wonderful, warm people in her circle. It was the opposite of a domino effect. Instead of knocking down things in a chain reaction, postive things kept coming up with her: new friends, new experiences, new opportunities,etc. I call this the anti-domino effect she’s had on me. She pulls me out of my darkness and she is the light of my 2013: She is Helen. One other friend worth mentioning is Priyanka. I used to spend a lot of time with her when she was about 3 or 4 years old sometimes even babysitting her. She grew up and we magically connected on facebook over 2 decades later in 2013. The fact that she even remembers me since she was a mere toddler is amazing in and of itself. She became my artistic voice, persuading me and encouraging me to stay on the artistic journey I started. I remember when she sent me the book “The Artist’s Way” and gave me the impetus to get my creative juices flowing. To her I owe my drive and passion to be more creative.
7) Above all, I seek spirituality and enlightenment and want to progress in the tenets of Buddhism. One day I want to make my trek to Paro, Bhutan and journey there. It’s calling me, but I am not yet ready for that. I need to work up to that point. I will know when I will be ready just as I knew that I was meant to follow Buddhism. Once a friend of mine so aptly said, “You do not go looking for Buddhism, it finds you”. How true it was in my case.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. Whatever happened in 2013 has had to happen to bring me to this point now. There will always be a bright light that peeks through anything cold, dark and frozen in our lives; we just have to let the ice melt. I look forward to the mystery of tomorrow. Here’s to 2014. CHEERS!
(header image by Serena Seshadri)